The Greatest Blog Post I've Ever Read and 5 Answers

You can find my fav blog post ever here. I'll reread it a few times, let it sink in for a bit, and then add some commentary in the days to come.

Today I'll answer questions 1-5 of my previous post.

1). Would you commit perjury in court to save a friend or family member?

I wish I could say that I would do the right thing here, to uphold the law no matter what the circumstances, but I'm quite sure that under the right conditions I would attempt to lie my way through questioning to save someone I loved. I would mostly likely really suck at it and probably end up looking like a fool and then be locked away just like the family member, but hey, at least then we'd be in it together.

2). If your wife was a photographer, and she had a passion for it, greatly enjoyed taking pictures, and it was her most beloved hobby, yet you thought her pictures really sucked, would you tell her, or just keep your thoughts to yourself?

Holy cripe did I ever take the heat for this question. People let's be real for a moment, this question was PURELY hypothetical. I love the heck out of my wife's pictures. I like them so much that I can't believe I haven't been fired yet for spending half my day at work looking at the pics MLBMommy takes of the kids.

But let's break down the real question at hand here. Should you or should you not tell your spouse when they suck at something? My thought is this. I understand the whole, you need to be supportive blah blah blah crap, which yeah, I agree with that, its good to be supportive. But if you really do suck at something, wouldn't you rather hear about it from the person that knows you best? I guess I would. For example, the other week MLBMommy told me I'm really annoying when I clean the house because I get bossy and anal and such. So what did I do? I thought about it for a bit, and haven't cleaned a thing since. Did she hurt my feelings? No. I wasn't crushed. I used her criticisms and adjusted accordingly. Thanks girl!

3). In what room would you be most comfortable...

ROOM A - Filled with 10 puffy vest wearing soccer moms

ROOM B - Filled with 10 Project Runway watching soccer moms

ROOM C - Filled with 10 baseball hating soccer moms

This is a really tough one for me. First of all, being stuck anywhere with 10 moms, whether they are puffy vest wearers, Project Runway lovers, or baseball haters, would be a challenge in and of itself. I went with the process of elimination here. First I pictured myself sitting a room filled with puffy vests. I look left, a puffy vest. I look right, a puffy vest. I started breaking out in a cold sweat just imaging this. I'm pretty sure I would have a break down. So I crossed Room A off the list. Next, I imagined being in a room filled with 10 soccer moms discussing the latest episode of the most cousin robby show I have ever seen. Seriously here people, not a chance, not a way, not no how, nope, naw, none for me thanks I pass. That show is lamer than the Yankees, well maybe not quite, but close. So I crossed Room B off the list. Which left Room C, which is my selection. I think I could entertain myself in this room by attempting to turn the baseball hating soccer mom's into lovers of the game by filling their heads with tales of the sleek, stylish and smooth Joe Mauer and the cool, charismatic, and canadian Justin Morneau. And if that failed, I'd probably mix in a word or two about Nicky Punto to see where that got me.

4). Who is your all time favorite Minnesota Twin?

#34, The center fielder KIIIIIIIIIIIIRBY PUCKETT. I also like his nickname, Turkey Bucket.

5). What is the dumbest question you have ever been asked in an interivew?

This is no joke. I interviewed for this position at this place that builds airplanes once and the HR woman who did part of the interview asked me: "If you were a fruit, what fruit would you be and why?" I thought that kind of stuff only happened in movies. My answer: A banana because I'm tall and skinny.

Questions 6-10 to be answered another day.

10 Questions to Ponder

During this lovely post, I will throw out 10 random questions. During my next lovely post, I will answer those questions. The questions will be a combination of things I have always wondered and interesting things I found while browsing the www. Feel free to answer any or all of the questions for yourself in my comments section. Here goes...

1). Would you commit perjury in court to save a friend or family member?

2). If your wife was a photographer, and she had a passion for it, greatly enjoyed taking pictures, and it was her most beloved hobby, yet you thought her pictures really sucked, would you tell her, or just keep your thoughts to yourself?

3). In what room would you be most comfortable...

ROOM A - Filled with 10 puffy vest wearing soccer moms

ROOM B - Filled with 10 Project Runway watching soccer moms

ROOM C - Filled with 10 baseball hating soccer moms

4). Who is your all time favorite Minnesota Twin?

5). What is the dumbest question you have ever been asked in an interivew?

6). What do you dread more, a trip to the dentist or a trip to the doctor?

7). Do you honestly think blondes are dumb?

8). At the start of the 30 day shred I weighed 176 lbs, how much do you think I will weigh when I am done with 30 days of shredding?

9). What is the most likely scenario that will bring the end of human existence on the planet earth?

10). Was there a better song in 2009 than Beyonce's Single Ladies?

mmmmk, bye!

July 24 to present - News and Notes

- "The Bobtoon" was the winner of the pontoon naming contest, thanks every for their submissions!

- MLBSisser was the winner of the baby naming contest (she's a sweetie)

- MLBDaddy remembered how the smell of little baby pooh can stick in your nose for hours

- MLB can hit line drives on about 20% of swings but doesn't adjust well to pitches that are not in his wheelhouse, I tried to get him hit like Joe Mauer (left handed) one day and he had a meltdown... sat down in the grass and rolled around like his world had just come to an end

- MLB enjoyed a few outings at the golf course this summer as well, he likes to take a full swing on the putting green and hasn't perfected 'pickin it clean' yet so if you golf with him anytime soon make sure to replace his divots

- MLBDoggie has moved from sleeping on the end of the bed to her own little pillow bed in the corner of the MLBParental master bedroom, a few early AM biting incidences did not bode well for her

- MLBDaddy posted for the first time on Facebook

- MLBDaddy tweeted for the first time

- MLBMommy perfected the art of emptying the dishwasher, while breastfeeding, while throwing BP to MLB, while most impressively keeping her sanity. (You are amazing MLBMommy!)

- MLBParentals began work on the 30 day shred

mmmmk bye!

Naming a Baby, Naw, Let's Name A Pontoon Boat

So... MLBDaddy is going to be a daddy times 2 here in the next two months or so. A lot of thought has been going into the name for the second child. It's kinda a girl thing though, so most of the decision is going to be left up to MLBMommy.

Anyways, I figured why should I let MLBMommy have all the fun coming up with sweet names. So what I have decided to do is give the family pontoon boat, which makes its residence at the MLBFamily cabin property, a name that can live on forever in the history books.

Problem: I kinda have a few ideas for a name, but none of them are that great.

So here's the deal: I want to give my readers the chance to propose a name for the MLBFamily pontoon. Please submit your name idea in the comments section. I will gather all suggestions (hopefully there is at least one) and include them in the list I am currently contemplating. The list will then be presented at the next MLBFamily gathering and voted on for approval. If your name is chosen, you and a guest will be invited to the MLBFamily cabin for a christening of a new sign which will hang from the pontoon bearing the new name for the pontoon.

Here is a picture of the vessel for inspiration:

An Email to Enjoy

If anyone has ever received a better 'work' email than the one I got this morning, please share it in the comments.

Check this out, and this is no goofing around, this is actually an email sent out to the female employee's of the company I work for. I was lucky enough to have it forwarded to me.


Ladies,

Recently, there was a bowl of Cheerios in the toilet on the side that leaks. This morning, someone did #2 and left it.

For goodness sakes, PLEASE flush the toilet!! On the side that leaks, you have to hold down the handle for a while. We’ve all had to before. Please be considerate and not make others clean up after you.

Thank you,


CLASSIC!

If I Were a 2 Year Old and Was Learning to Potty...

I would be extremely inspired, no doubt in my mind, by the following two paragraphs...

Mommy and Daddy and Michael looked in the potty. They saw pee and poop. "Michael used his potty!" said Mommy. She hugged and kissed him.

Mommy helped Michael wipe himself. Daddy helped him pour the pee and poop into the big toilet. Michael flushed the toilet. The pee and poop went into pipes under the house. Then Michael washed his hands. "What a big boy you are!" said Daddy.

However, my son, little MLB, with all that is going on in the above two paragraphs, only cares about the little bear who lays quietly next to the Big Boy Potty staring up at the ceiling. All MLB can say is "Teddy fall DOOOOWN!" He doesn't care about the pee. The poop has no relevance. The pipes under the house that are carrying the poop away matter not. The hugs, kisses and praise from Mommy and Daddy are of no importance. But that little blue bear, appearing happy and content, gazing upward with a smile that oozes joy, makes MLB's night.

The moral of the story: No matter if you pee and poop in a toilet or in your pants, as long as you can find little things in life that bring you happiness, then its all good in the hood.

Mmmmk Bye!

July 7th

I decided today that it's time for me to start blogging again. As I began thinking about what to write about I got really nervy and couldn't think of anything good. I wanted something powerful that would quickly draw all 3 of my former everyday readers back the site and give them something to enjoy. So I visited trusty google and entered the phrase "first blog post tips" and found a page that had 5 Simple Ways to Open a Blog Post with a Bang. Well, the way I look at it is I don't just want my opening to be a bang, I want my entire post to be a bang. In an attempt to use the advice that this page offers, I will instead incorporate all 5 tips into one banging post.
Here goes...

1) Ask A Question
MLBDaddy asks a question: Do people honestly thing that vests look good on them?

2) Share an Anecdote or Quote
MLBDaddy Shares an Anecdote: I was sitting at Ichiban last Friday and this turd sandwich who we were tabled up with kept asking really stupid questions of the chef who was clearly perturbed. My favorite question was... "Was this lobster raised in cold water or warm water?" To which I was hoping the waiter would say "would you like it if I used my Ichy knife to chop up the crap I am going to kick out of you?" It didn't happen, but it would have been cool if it did.

MLBDaddy Shares a Quote: "Tweeting is stupid."

3) Invoke the Mind's Eye
MLBDaddy Invokes the Mind's Eye: Picture this, you are sitting on the highest and last branch of a 250 foot tall tree and there is a raging fire burning upwards on the trunk of the tree towards you. Shall you choose to jump you will most certainly be killed by the impact of your body crushing against the ground. Shall you choose to remain in the tree, your body will be scorched and your flesh will melt and probably not smell very good.

4) Use an Analogy, Metaphor or Simile
MLBDaddy uses an Analogy: Being a father is like being locked into a really joyous and happy cell block for the rest of your life.

MLBDaddy uses a Metaphor: For a two year old, MLB can throw some gas, but he doesn't really have a sniff where its going.

MLBDaddy uses a Simile: Derek Jeter chews like a cow.

5) Cite a Shocking Statistic
MLBDaddy cites a shocking statistic: 8% of voters who have casted a ballot on beejo.typepad.com think that Ivy is a good choice for the name of my second baby.


Mmmmk. Bye!